8 August, 2008
Jonola14 Productions

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"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit"

USA Tour 2001

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Day 6 - Lady Phlegm

LOCATION: Louisville (Kentucky).
DATE: 04/08/01.


TIME: 21.00

The less said about today. the better. Trip to St. Louis (Missouri) is abolished by a very stressful morning and lunchtime in Columbus Greyhound station. In desperation to escape Ohio, we finally get on a knackered bus to Louisville, Kentucky. A city of around 1 million people fails to produce a youth hostel, so in a fit of panic, against the background of a major international car rally and subsequent inflated prices, we decide to stay in a Motel for $77..... at least we can relax ahead of the trip to Memphis.

A memorable point to make is regarding a disgusting woman from Maine, who places her backside next to Payno on the bus. While she finds that coughing up phlegm loudly into her handherchief, muttering "good, I've got that one", is not enough to satisfy her needs, she appears to enjoy singing old favourites like 'Home on the Range' for her fellow travellers. On top of this, she attempts to convince Payno that the end of the world is imminent....



TIME: 22.00

Lying in bed, pensive about today's events. Quiff had the most disgusting cheeseburger of his entire alimentary career at lunch. It was so bad, in fact, that he tried to fob it off to a passing beggar, rather than give the man money. Too many beggars around, why don't they just sod off and leave us alone?

Totally burgered-out now, too many quarter pounders in such a short time. Quiff remarks that his heart feels like it is being crushed by cholestorol. Payno announced that he will definitely have a healthy meal tonight. We ate barbecue chicken wings. Quiff craves an apple. We haven't seen a vegetable for a week. Quiff believes he is developing scurvy, relentless spots appearing all over his body. Need a lime. Quiff was also shouted at today, for interfering with luggage on Greyhound. Met someone called 'Chuckie'. Splendid name. Alcohol-free evening, thank God.

We hear on tv that Tropical Storm Barry is strengthening and heading towards New Orleans and Panama City in the next couple of days. Pictures show people preparing sand bags and natural defences in anticipation of hurricane winds and flooding. Bang goes our beach holiday.