8 August, 2008
Jonola14 Productions

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"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens"

USA Tour 2001

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Day 4 - Bogey Man and The Snorter

LOCATION: Columbus (Ohio).
DATE: 02/08/01.


TIME: 06.30

The alarm clock has now been termed 'the evil clock' due to its total lack of ability to tell us the right time. Setting the alarm is a risk, we never know when it will awaken and wake the whole dormitory. We are awake and the evil clock tells us it's 07.30. We check out and make our way to the bus station, where the bus man tells us it's an hour earlier than we thought. EVIL!


TIME: 08.15

The evil clock has to be commended. Without its incompetent time-keeping skills, we would have missed our bus. Quiff is deliberating whether or not evil is a fair description.



TIME: 09.00

Customs. Everyone gets off the coach, bags and everything, ready for interrogation and inspection. Quiff has his hand luggage bag searched after a struggle with the evil lock. Payno loughs aloud when the customs officer questions the need for 22 year old travelling man Quiff to possess a teddy bear. Everybody laughs.


TIME: 10.00

Back in Buffalo to catch Greyhound. Quiff sits next to a rather attractive female but has no energy to capitalize. Communication with the North Americans is proving troublesome. Buffalo and Niagara Falls have borne no fruit. We must continue. To Columbus.


TIME: 10.30

A fat man with a long beard is sitting on a bench waiting for the Greyhound. There is a long queue and crowd of people opposite him. It is at this point where he rams his little finger up his nose, rummages around and pulls out a bogie of extreme proportion. He examines it closely before rolling it gently on his fingers and disposing it on his trouser leg. He then rubs it off and wonders why he can't get the bogie mark off his trousers. Quiff and Payno think this is most amusing.


TIME: 11.30

Payno is sat opposite a very odd looking family. Religious Waltons is the conclusion. Bus driver gets us lost.


TIME: 16.00

Arrival in Cleveland for Greyhound change. We are contacted by a young female regarding our final destination. A lovely girl, blonde-ish type. She has many hours to wait, so we go for a meal to while away an hour. Another cheeseburger. E-mail addresses exchanged. Things are looking up. The search continues.


TIME: 18.30

Quiff is sat next to a man that is asleep, but every so often he will snort and wake up. The man is sitting up straight, head back and mouth open. Quiff thinks it would be most amusing to drop something in. He is sleeping, and snorts once more. Not just loudly, but EXTREMELY loudly. Quiff cries with laughter once more. It reminds him of somebody having a cold and trying to cough up that troublesome greenie from deep down in the lungs. Quiff glances at Payno. There is no verbal communication, but both travellers know exactly what the other is thinking. It is a growing characteristic of the two men, a kind of telepathy..


TIME: 20.00

Arrival in Columbus. Installation into hostel. Note two lookers also staying.


TIME: 21.00

Local bar after encounter with money-requester who claims it's his birthday and he's run out of gas. Liar. Quiff produces three forms of I.D. at the bar and is permitted to consume alcohol. Payno has to trot back to the hostel for his passport, as he is clearly underage.


TIME: 22.00

Still at bar, lots of blokes here but a few nice looking birds too. Our research is going well, the lager is sinking with increasing ease, much to our delight.