Jonola14

LOCATION: New York City and London.
DATE: 27/08/01.

TIME: 12.00

We get up, Quiff and Payno check out and we head for an English bar in the centre of Manhattan. After a last supper of Buffalo wings and Guinness, with a spot of last-minute shopping afterwards, the Travellers split up as Quiff and Payno have to get to the airport.

It is a sad occasion as the last two weeks have provided us with a laugh a minute, and we have had more fun than we ever thought possible. The memories of the five British travellers in the mighty USA will last forever. After all, who could possibly forget the 'Nam impressions, the baseball game, the woman with no bladder control, Cokehead-liability, "did you spit on me?", "don't leave!", the endless abuse of local women, the incessant bottles of Bud and THAT night in D.C.

TIME: 16.30

Quiff and Payno check in to Air India and head off to get some tucker and a few bits to read on the trip. Quiff psyches himself up for another flight on Air India, and Payno is as reassuring as ever in informing him of which airlines were involved in certain disasters.

TIME: 20.15

Take-off is slightly delayed and we are astonished to see that the aeroplanes have to drive over motorway bridges before finally getting on the runway. Everything runs smoothly until when the meal arrives and the Indian lady next to Quiff asks the flight attendant if she can move seats. The flight is not sold out so this is possible, but Quiff takes offence, claiming it is an act of racism.

TIME: 12.15

We encounter turbulence, Quiff looks uneasy. The Indian lady keeps looking over at us nearly every two seconds, glaring right through us, Quiff suspects it is because Payno has the window shutter up and the early morning sunlight is illuminating everybody in the plane, but we don't shut it as an act of defiance against the racist.

TIME: 07.30 (LONDON TIME)

We have landed, and remarkably smoothly too. We bundle out of the plane and head to baggage reclaim, then onwards to the arrivals hall where we expect to find Quiff's dad, but he appears to have been delayed.

Payno decides to shoot off and catch his train, but not before pausing halfway down the stairs, turning back towards Quiff and giving the good old British military salute, a last moment of unity before the Travellers break up their partnership, a signal of the fun and amusement enjoyed during the last month, a symbol that the memories of the piss-take dancing, the gay waiter, the Niagara trek, the incalculable hours on Greyhound, Bernie's punk club, the Ant War, Ed the Psycho, Air India, the humble American, ghost tours, numerous unnecessary expensive meals, Temptations Club, and the awesome two weeks with the boys, will never be forgotten, nor replaced by inequivalent comparisons.

The trip has been a success, and the images imprinted into our minds will last forever. Our mission was to sample the local delicacies, a mission that we completed well and may never again be able to duplicate, a mission that leaves us feeling sad that it had to end

Quiff gives a cool, sharp thumbs up and the Travellers go their separate ways, looking forward to the next time they will be able to re-unite and perhaps repeat the unforgettable antics of the past four superb weeks.