Jonola14

LOCATION: New York City (New York).
DATE: 24/08/01.

TIME: 11.00

Eventually we get up, shower and get the hell out of the hostel, spurred on by the prospect of seeing the Statue of Liberty, and the freaky French bird that does nothing but stare at us. We take on the New York Metro system and come out unscathed, and head to the place where you board the boats to Liberty Island.

This particular place proves to be an oasis of watch-sellers, fake Oakley sunglasses sellers, crap musicians and novelty acts such as the golden spray-painted tramp and the incredibly flexible black man, able to manoeuvre himself into all sorts of unthinkable positions. Quiff gets himself into an argument with a crusty middle-aged yankee woman about queue jumping and then takes delight in boarding the boat way before her.

TIME: 12.00

We navigate ourselves onto Liberty Island, ignore the statue temporarily, and make for the refreshments parlour where Payno proceeds to once again encounter the processed rubber cheese that plagued him at the Traveler's Grill in Columbus, Ohio, when ordering a portion of nachos. Quiff and Gaz embark on an ice war, involving the flicking of hollowed-out ice at each other via the use of a straw, until Quiff overshoots and almost takes out a large black woman carrying a tray of food.

TIME: 12.30

We make for the statue and note its extreme green-ness, caused by something called 'patination' where the copper and stuff oxidizes in the air and slowly turns green. Fascinating. We pretend to take photos of the statue, but cunningly photograph all the nice looking women that we see, with the statue in the background. Splendid!

One passing group of birds wave at us, thinking Quiff's Foster's t-shirt means we are Australian. We wave back, fully intent on pretending that we are. We plan to get on the pedestal of the statue as the crown is closed, but are discouraged by the length of the queue, deciding instead to have a look at Ellis Island, the former immigration location, then head into town to buy some clean clothes for the evening.

TIME: 13.45

We get back on the boat and arrive at Ellis Island, much to Ellis' delight, and we photograph him next to the large Ellis Island sign, much to the confusion and amusement of the long, neighbouring ferry queue. After a somewhat brief scout around, and the further photography of sexy women with pert arses, we leave and head for Macy's.

On the ferry back though, Ellis decides to photograph a lovely pair of legs by employing a very subtle point-without-looking-through-the-lens strategy, but is highly embarrassed when the camera flashes and everybody stares.

TIME: 16.00

We walk down 5th Avenue looking for the big and famous department stores, and manage to walk straight past the Empire State Building without even noticing it. We find Macy's, reputed to be the biggest department store in the world, we enter and all come out much poorer. Quiff spends $120 on jeans and a polo shirt, Ellis splashes out $104 on two Phat Farm t-shirts and Payno inexplicably forks out $52 on a new copping shirt that we decide looks rather like a combination of snake skin and crap golden wrapping paper.

TIME: 21.00

We're back at the hostel and about to start drinking the mandatory bottles of Bud. Quiff befriends a travelling Kiwi, an act that is later to haunt the whole group. The New Zealander decides he wants to come out with us, but not before he's cut up a line of cocaine and snorted it up, which is a bit of a shock. He proceeds to say things such as "what do I have to do to get a laugh out of you Poms?", indispersed with more lines of coke, and we decide we have to get rid of him as soon as possible.

TIME: 23.00

We Metro to Bleeker Street amd enter the Peculiar Pub, which appears to be a male dominated area with a few nice birds scattered about the place. We manage to set ourselves nicely at the bar, Fuller is on top form and the birds come flocking.

Quiff attempts to speak Spanish to a 25 year old Brazilian girl that is disgusted at seeing him with two bottles, eventually fobbing him off with the "I'm too old for you" routine. Gaz strikes up conversation with a posh investment banker from Oxford University before passing her over to Payno who thinks about testing out his new copping top..... Fuller disappears and Ellis drinks at the bar.

The Kiwi, now labelled Coke-head is seen wandering up to people and mocking them, saying "I'm only taking the piss out of your accent mate", leading us to the conclusion that he is one tomato short of a salad, and as Payno put it, "a fuckin' liability".

TIME: 03.00

We leave this bar and move on to an Irish bar where Payno falls in love with the Irish bar girl and Quiff practices his drunken sleep-dancing. The rest of the evening is a bit of a blur, but highlighted by the taxi ride home when Gaz hops in a cab and shouts "follow that cab!" at the driver, who then remarks upon Payno and Quiff asleep in the back of the cab he's chasing.