Jonola14

LOCATION: Charleston (South Carolina).
DATE: 18/08/01.

TIME: 13.00

It has been decided that today is to be a day of proaction and we are going to go and see some sights, rather than just waste time until we go out and get drunk again. Our destination is Patriot's Point, a naval museum harbouring (!) numerous attractions, including an aircraft carrier, several aeroplanes, and a submarine. We taxi there and arrive in sunny conditions, after a brief detour through the ghetto.

The impressions of standard American phrases and quotes become far more frequent, particularly when we come across the Top Gun aircraft and an escalator in the aircraft carrier. We spend hours trapesing around the boats doing impressions of US Marines, US Air Force, and 'Nam Veterans but come away with a sense of fulfilment, a feeling that we had cultured ourselves, a grateful emotion for those that gave their lives for our lives today, a sense of historical importance, a sense that we had ripped the piss out of every single aspect of American history and culture and enjoyed every damned minute of it.

TIME: 18.00

We have phoned for a taxi, but it's Saturday night and all the companies are very busy, resulting in long waits for their customers. A massive, dark grey blanket of ominous, almost evil-looking cloud rolls in, contrasting magnificently with the brilliant blue of the sky alongside it.

We can see lightning striking in the distance and the spots of rain fall more frequently, so we shift ourselves from our position straddling a display cannon to a sheltered section outside the naval shop, yelling "let's haul ass!" and "jeez!" at excessively loud volume. We wait there for our taxi as the thunderstorm strengthens, depositing an amzing amount of water in a very short time.

Payno is once more getting a bit edgy and decides to comfort himself with a packet of crisps (potato chips) from the vending machine (candy machine). However, after pressing the button for the desired snack, Payno watches as the machine refuses to dispense him his food, instead whirring and dangling the crisps teasingly from the top shelf.

This is most amusing to Quiff who has wandered over to stifle his increasing boredom. He laughs loudly at Payno much to the latter's annoyance, clearly highly amused by this unfortunate incident. Payno puts more money in and retrieves another product. Quiff, still chuckling, puts some money in and presses a few buttons, only for the same thing to happen to him! Payno grins and mutters something along the lines of "serves you right you tosser". Still we wait.

TIME: 19.00

Rounds of "Damn!" exude from our table, each of us trying to emphasize the 'd' more than everyone else. The taxi still hasn't arrived and soon calls of "what the blue hell's goin' on with the taxi, man!" can be heard from our direction.

TIME: 20.30

Eventually we get picked up and taken back to the flat. We settle nicely and drink what's left of our beers, disappointed by the taxi setback, tired from the past two night's drinking, but determined to take advantage of a Saturday night. Time passes and nobody takes the decision to get a move on.

TIME: 12.30

We meet Ashley, Beth's housemate, and she volunteers to drive us into town, as catching a cab is unlikely and Payno refuses to risk the ongoing thunderstorm. Unfortunately, when we get there, every pub, bar and club is closing and we find ourselves with only enough time to revisit Henry's, despite the threat of a crazy, neck-less local threatening to kill us 'cos the air-conditioning dripped on him.

Ashley suggests going to a club across the dangerous bridge, apparently open until 5am, and we oblige as we can't get home otherwise. The trip across the bridge is a bit scary, an eerie silence descending on the car as we get on, and a relieved tone of excitement as we get off, but we make it only to discover the club's closed and we have to endure it all again.

TIME: 02.30

Everywhere is closed, except for a 'gas station' offering us beer. Despite it being 2.30 in the morning, we buy enough beer to get us pissed and head back to the flat. We start off in the lounge, but the combination of cigarette smoke and Fuller's voice wakes Beth up and we move into Ashley's room where the barrage of abuse towards American culture continues long into the morning.

After hours of piss-taking, a conversation about Princess Diana, and numerous sexual misdemeanours with a giant toy panda, Ashley finally flips and leaves her own room. We decide enough is enough and it's time for bed, except for Quiff who stays and offers a consoling, apologetic arm..