Jonola14

LOCATION: Charleston (South Carolina).
DATE: 16/08/01.

TIME: 13.00

We rise and head for a burger joint with Beth, Payno's cousin. We proceed through the centre of town, scouting for alcohol establishments and note a fair few. We discover a fountain with its water off and spend ten minutes at the waterfront looking out over the river and the officially unsafe bridge with minimal barriers.

TIME: 16.10

We've bought some beer and are back at the flat with nothing else to do apart from drink it.

TIME: 20.00

We get down to business. Drink. Fuller, Gaz and Ellis are integrated into American society through the consumption of chemically engineered burgers and numerous bottles of Bud, Bud Light, Miller, Miller Lite and the new product, aptly named Bud Shite.

After a few beers, we venture out to Market Street and into Henry's Bar. Not more than fifteen seconds after entering, Payno gets himself involved in a heated disagreement with a round local with no neck. The man in question turns to Payno with a disgusted look on his face and says, "did you spill beer on me?". Payno mishears of course, thinking he's said "did you spit on me?" but denies both counts anyway. The situation eventually calms down and some time later the man comes up to Payno, and we expect it to kick off once more, Gaz on bar brawl standby, but the man says "I'm sorry, I was an asshole, it was the air-conditioning dripping on me, I'm an asshole". The astonishment on our faces is obvious, except for Gaz whose facial expression was more of disappointment at the situation not escalating into mayhem.

TIME: 01.00

We find ourselves in a Latino club and the alcohol has really set in now, we know this because we're on the dance floor giving it some funky British dancing. "I'm not pissed" is a recurring phrase, whilst clicking fingers, dipping shoulders, and waist twisting. The highlight of the evening is Quiff's comment to a passing blonde who seems as though she is leaving the club, and seeing as there were minimal supplies of blondes in the vicinity, he pleads "don't leave!" in a pathetic, desperate voice, but quietly realizes his embarrassment and when she turns and asks him to repeat what he said, Quiff replies "he doesn't want you to leave" and points accusingly at Gaz.

TIME: 02.00

Somehow we encounter a couple of American lads that have developed an annoyingly bad imitation of the English accent, and they suggest we try and find Port Side. "Port Side?" Ellis repeats, "isn't that in Egypt?", confusing himself with Port Said. Couple this with our counter-attacks on accent imitation, and the piss-take of every famous movie phrase ever, including "did you spit on me?" and the resulting conversation descends into sheer verbal carnage.