LOCATION: London Heathrow (UK) & New York City (USA).
DATE: 30/07/01.


We are travellers, set on a mission to discover. We find it appropriate to act like the great explorers before us: Drake, Raleigh, Livingstone and Columbus. We shall no doubt encounter problems, but we shall have to pull through. We will follow in their footsteps, and battle on through the difficult times, as great heroes like Lawrence of Arabia, Wellington and Churchill did before us. We are on a mission for our country, the beer industry needs expanding and we shall seek out new American products and bring them back to Britain. Selected by her majesty and commanded by the national government, we must not fail.


TIME: 13.00

Payno and Quiff are sitting in the departure lounge amongst our fellow Air India passengers. Not as many turbans as we expected. We are scared, wary of the risky flight ahead. We have heard conflicting reports about Air India's quality, and don't know what to think. Payno notices that the windows of the plane, on the outside, each have silhouettes of Taj Mahal style buildings. The sense of anticipation is deepening.

We are on board the plane, and after some seating readjustments, have sat down and started to take stock of the situation. It is an old plane, it's clear. There are indications of wear and tear all over the plane. There's a funny smell too, of stale curry - the kind of odour you would encounter in a Cardiff curry house that's just re-opened under a new name after closure by health & safety. The decoration is very odd. The whole plane is covered in what looks like wallpaper. It's a creamy colour with brown and red flower patterns on. Very strange. Quiff mentions that it reminds him of a 1960's high rise building's standard apartment decoration, like you would see when visiting your elderly relations.

TIME: 13.15

Take-off time. Quiff is a little scared. Payno is reassuring as ever, in reminding Quiff that 90% of air crashes occur at take-off and landing. Great. The plane's a bit rattley, but it seems to be working fine. Take-off works and we haven't exploded. Yet.

TIME: 14.30

Meal time. Chicken curry. Surprisingly. Disgusting fishy poppadum too, and some unidentifiable dessert that neither of us dare touch. We are still in the air too.

TIME: 15.00

The in-flight entertainment. It appears that the yellow and brown wire things in the seat pouch are headphones, but they have massive cotton-bud style ear-pieces that need to be wrestled with to get them in your ears. At least our ears will be cleaned though. The only way to describe the music would have to be house. Curry house. Bollywood films on the big screen too. Awful.

TIME: 16.00 (NEW YORK TIME)

We have arrived. Payno has become aggrieved at the local telephones. Quiff had to calm him down and take over. We select our accommodation and make our way. The voyage into the unknown has begun. Our mission has been activated and we must commence our research. New York.

TIME: 17.00

We are instantly struck by the energy and activity going on in New York City, especially in Manhattan. We don't know how our friend Honor (who has just started a job on Wall Street) can cope. Taxi drivers fighting to get our business, people everywhere..... Additionally, having previously assumed that it would be spread out, we are shocked to find that world famous sights such as the Empire State Building and Madison Square Gardens are only metres apart. After waiting 20 minutes while some Spaniard 'fought' with the hostel receptionist, we find cheap accommodation. The jet-lag hits us in a big way and sleep becomes an inevitability. New York City has overwhelmed us, but we are looking forward to finally conquering it when we return in 3 weeks.