29/12/2003 Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Simon H | |
- I won't, they're too busy devouring all the lice.
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24/12/2003 Currently munching on a nice-looking tart
Simon S | |
- Whatever would your girlfriend say....?
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21/11/2003 I awoke this morning to discover to my horror that I now have pot pourri in my bedroom. I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of relationship.
Simon H | |
- well tell your brother to display his pot pourri elsewhere.
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19/11/2003 While watching The Office, mother said 'do they ever do any work'? Following questioning, amusingly mother has been thinking for ages its a real documentary.
Mark R | |
15/11/2003 Next time I ask you for the rules of 52's, don't tell me.
Shaun H | |
14/11/2003 Pist as newt in york stude union. Dont no if its uew year or new york. Splendid. I now hav 2 ascend a drainpipe for a sh@g.
Mark R | |
- Perhaps THE most amusing text message of the year.
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03/11/2003 Matt has bought a radio control tank that fires BB pellets. Splendid fun.
Simon H | |
02/11/2003 I am just leaving London. Upon arrival at Brum, a girl in a white van will pick me up and take me to Newcastle. I will then spend the night sharing a Travel Inn room with a Scotsman I have never met. Life after Renault is RANDOM.
Mark R | |
01/11/2003 For the purposes of this evening, Luke is Montgomery Entwhistle, heir to the earldom of Entwhistle in Worcestershire. Answers to Monty, occupation freelance troubedour
Mark R | |
07/10/2003 Some distant, ancient, dilapidated old relative has just told me I look like Andrew Lloyd Webber
Alex M | |
- which is quite ironic because we'd all been calling Alex that behind his back for several years.
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05/10/2003 Just call me Mr Whippy
Simon S | |
- Nick M was beginning to regret telling us he had asked his girlfriend to call him Mr Whippy when in the bedroom.....
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27/09/2003 On closer inspection, the ugly woman on table 4 is actually a man in drag.
Shaun H | |
05/09/2003 Spreedbuti
Simon H | |
25/08/2003 Oh look, a dog
Simon S | |
13/08/2003 Just had a woman come in to pay a cheque into her dog's account. Very odd.
Simon H | |
08/08/2003 Nothing going on with Luke this weekend, he's broken his arm in Scotland
Mark R | |
- the proposed leaving do in London had to be cancelled
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27/07/2003 Gridlock in the absolute sense. Not even at Oxford. Bl**dy government.
Mark R | |
25/07/2003 Throw another chair leg on the fire mother
Mark R | |
25/07/2003 I've just kissed Jordan - bring it on!
Alex M | |
- and then you told her that her career had 'gone downhill'.
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24/07/2003 'You are now entering Oxfordshire'
Simon S | |
23/07/2003 Oooh heaven is replaced by girth
Simon S | |
- An adaptation of Belinda Carlisle's lyrics
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20/07/2003 You need a huge SPLENDID banner, for identification purposes
Simon S | |
- Simon struggled to spot us on the ITV British Grand Prix coverage
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20/07/2003 Your mission: find the ITV crew and dance around like fools
Simon S | |
- My trip to the British Grand Prix with Mark R turned up all sorts of challenges.....
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16/07/2003 Oh good. A lorry has overturned, the road has been closed and the traffic announcer has just kindly informed me it will be another four hours until it is cleared.
Simon S | |
16/07/2003 Currently stuck in a 5 mile queue at the M4 junction...and the bl**dy American at the service station told me to 'have a nice day'.
Simon S | |
14/06/2003 I've got a ticket to Ry-Hi-Hyde.....
Simon S | |
- Simons trip to the Isle of Wight took an unexpected turn.....
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04/06/2003 Women are just like orange juice cartons, it's not the shape or size that matters, or even how sweet the juice is. It's getting those bl**dy flaps to open.....
Dave M | |
04/06/2003 I've just been chatting to Jean-Luc Picard. He's staying at the Angel in Guildford High Street.
Simon S | |
- The Angel? Picard obviously insisted on 'boldly going where no man has gone before'.....
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03/06/2003 Why should you not employ a dwarf with learning difficulties? Because it's not big and it's not clever.
Simon H | |
26/05/2003 Currently sandwiched between two bullocks.
Simon S | |
23/05/2003 Big Brother contestant number 4 - Cameron from Orkney - "our nearest train station to Orkney is actually in Norway".
Simon S | |
17/05/2003 Map blew out window. Brilliant
Mark R | |
12/05/2003 Currently ensconced in local hostelry in Oxford, munching on what looks like a dead rabbit, but is apparently 'chicken a la mode'.
Simon S | |
- tsk, you do rabbit on.....
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11/05/2003
Just been interviewed by Radio Solent! | | Sender: Alex MacH
did they ask you to model for them?
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06/05/2003
P75 BPM just nearly ran me over. | | Sender: Simon S
Glad to hear that my old car is still serving a purpose.....
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06/05/2003
My lips are very salty. | | Sender: Simon H
a bit like your girlfriend's.....
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02/05/2003
Despite Dad only being a paper candidate for councillor, making up numbers and not actually living anywhere near the town anymore, he has won Petersfield. Whoops. | | Sender: Simon S
Well done him. Get him into No. 10.....
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22/04/2003
I've just been tripped up by Will Carling. | | Sender: Simon S
be more careful then, next time it might be someone important
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Sender: Shaun H
Simon S' former home town - Petersfield - is renamed to reflect his tastes.....
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17/04/2003
In the last 30 mins, I have gone 2 metres, the airbag light is on and I need diesel. Excellent. | | Sender: Mark R
07/04/2003
Oh dear. I CAN'T PARK. Just stalled on the drive and nearly bashed the expensive car! Hate driving.. | | Sender: Beccy H
01/04/2003
Just seen a dirty lorry with 'cleaned by Stevie Wonder valeting services' on it. | | Sender: Lucy R
Almost as good as 'I wish my wife was this dirty'
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25/03/2003
According to the information screen, my train is 9 and a half hours late. | | Sender: Simon H
09/03/2003
My mum just recommended 'an early night and no rumpy pumpy'. | | Sender: Simon S
07/03/2003
You having sex - Jac in the box. | | Sender: Simon H
Oh how drole, never heard it before, no really.....
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05/03/2003
I seem to be accidentally in the middle of a police man hunt, helicopter search light on my car! Whoops. | | Sender: Simon S
10/02/2003
Is there a mink in your bed? | | Sender: Mark R
An odd question, but the answer was, in fact, yes.
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09/02/2003
Just phoned 999 by mistake. They were nice though. | | Sender: Simon H
31/01/2003
Never has a kebab been seen again so rapidly, violently or loudly. | | Sender: Mark R
23/01/2003
Rather paranoid about the two schoolgirls who keep looking at me and laughing | | Sender: Simon H
Put your pants back on then.
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17/01/2003
Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be Badly Torn Boy | | Sender: Simon H
01/01/2003
Happy New Year. I have just woken up in a blue and red loft. I don't know where it is and I can't find an exit. | | Sender: Mark R
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