10 May, 2008
Jonola14 Productions

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"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people"

P75 BPM

In 1996, my mother was given a brand spanking new Ford Ka for Christmas by my stepfather. She didn't drive it very much and kept it in very good condition. In 2000, I received some inheritance money and started to look into buying a car. Combine this with my mother's interest in the launch of a Millennium Edition Ford Ka and you should be following the same logical thought process that I did. If not, then this is it: mum's buying a new car, she's selling her 4-year old, low mileage, well looked-after car, I've got some money ... I should buy it!

So, in early July 2000, I bought mum's 1996 1.3 litre racing green ford Ka for a sum considered lower than the true worth of the car. 'Bargain' I thought. I transferred the insurance into my name, upgraded it to fully comp, taxed it and wrote mum out a cheque. Since then, this previously trouble-free vehicle has had more than its fair share of problems, and it is in this jotting that I am going to share with you the history of P75 BPM.
Initial Cost: £3,500 (excluding insurance and tax)

15th November 2001
I took the careful, and now invaluable, decision to join the AA.
Cost: £73

12th December 2001
It was raining bloody hard and I was on my way back home from Cardiff for Christmas. For two hours, my windscreen wipers were on rapid while I battled against the rain and the Christmas traffic on the M4. After exiting the M4 and being only 15 miles from home, the drivers side windscreen wiper comes loose, goes out of time and lodges itself in the other windscreen wiper. Consequence - no windscreen wipers working. So there I was, in the driving rain, with my head stuck out the window, looking for the best possible place to stop. When I eventually found one, I managed to separate the wipers and had to use just the one for the remainder of the journey. New wiper arm and blade required.
Cost: £18

19th February 2001
After hearing the sad news that my grandmother had passed away, having suffered from cancer for many months, I prepared to come home for her funeral. I packed my things and got up especially early on the Saturday morning to take the 150 mile trip back from university in Cardiff. When I got to the car, put the key in the lock and turned, there was no whirring sound. 'How very odd' I thought to myself. I carried on anyway and when I tried to start the engine, there was nothing. Not even a mild turnover. Nothing. Panic began to spread. I didn't have enough time to get into town and catch the train, it would take too long. Luckily I am fortunate enough to have the friendship of Nick L, and he very kindly lent me his car so I could get home.

22nd February 2001
Upon return to Cardiff, I pushed my car to the conveniently positioned garage around the corner, after calling out the AA. There, they eventually told me that the alternator had gone and that it needed to be replaced. 'That'll be cheap then' I murmured under my breath. My week was not going well. So the alternator was replaced and I drove to Tesco's to charge the battery up again (for those of you that don't understand the workings of a car, the alternator uses the energy created by the car to recharge the battery). This was fine and the problem solved. Or so I thought.
Cost: £188.33

26th February 2001
Having studied for a year in Brest, France, I met a multitude of different people. Two of which attended Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh. So Matt G and I arranged a weekend's visit. We got up early, both with hangovers, with the good intention of getting on the road in good time so we could get to Edinburgh and start drinking again. Excellent plan. So we packed the car full with duvets, clothes, bottles of Carlsberg and many other vital items. We sat in the car, both eagerly looking forward to the weekend and seeing our friends again. "Right" said Matt, "shall we?". "Yes, I think we should" I said. So there we were, sat in the car and all ready for the ridiculously long drive to Scotland, yet excited and you could sense the buzz around us. "All we need now is for the car not to work" I stupidly said, and with that I turned the key in the ignition. 'Whirr, whrr, whr, wr, r' replied the engine, incredibly kindly. Lots of swearing later and I was again pushing the bastard back to the garage that had changed the alternator. After having to wait for them to open, I explained the situation to the mechanic and he set to work on it straight away. An hour and a half later and the mechanic had decided that the new alternator had shorted out the old battery and that I needed a new battery. This he installed and we set out upon our fantastic journey.
Cost: £42

I must just add here that despite the long journey, the car reacted well to its new battery and there were no further problems. Until, that is, it was time to come home from Edinburgh during the worst blizzards for 25 years. So, on the advice of a passing farmer driving a 4x4 pick-up, stating "you'll never geet that piece o' shite oot er here laddie", we decided that staying in Edinburgh for an extra day wasn't so bad, despite most of it being stuck in a traffic jam.

2nd July 2001
At Sarah M's birthday bash in Coventry, I managed to snap the ignition key in the boot lock of the car and ended up spending half the evening waiting for the AA man to turn up. Nice man, though, and we ended up having a few beers.
Cost: £0

9th July 2001
Graduation day was only a day or two away, and having left my university residence I was again living at home. Consequently, I had to drive to Cardiff to attend my graduation. So, being the well-organised and ever-prepared individual that I am, I filled up with petrol, pumped more air into my tyres, checked the oil, water and washer-fluid levels and set about on my merry little way down the M4 towards the delights of Wales' capital.

I first noticed there might be a problem when, whilst sat at a t-junction four miles from home, the engine simply cut out. I put this down to driver error and carried on. When the same thing happened at a roundabout twenty miles later, I began to wonder if there was a minor problem. I was fairly pushed for time, so I carried on and joined the M4. About an hour later, I could hear, over the top of the radio, a repetitive tapping sound coming from the engine. 'Bollocks' I thought. I stopped the car at the next service station and had a quick peek at the engine. Not knowing very much about cars, I checked the oil and water again and found no problems.

Once more, I decided that I should continue and just hoped that I reached Cardiff before all the garages closed. This I did and I left it with the mechanic while I went off to attend the graduation ceremony.

The next day, I went back to the garage and he told me that he had tightened up some of the tappets and replaced some plugs. Great, I thought - problem solved. Wrong.
Cost: £54.70

15th July 2001
Directly after graduation, and having returned home successfully with my improved engine, I made my car an appointment to see its normal mechanic. I went off to work, expecting a phone call to say that he had made a few necessary adjustments and the bill was minimal. Imagine my surprise, and shock, when my dad phoned and told me that the tappets in the engine were knackered and were creating swarf that had got into the engine and was ruining it. Consequence - new engine.
Cost: £1,141.81

2nd October 2001
On the way back from Gatwick airport, I adjust my rear view mirror slightly and it comes off in my hand. Oh joy, I thought. After a month with no mirror, I finally get my act together and buy a glue kit to repair it, which worked on the second attempt.
Cost: £6

15th November 2001
AA membership renewed.
Cost: £80

2nd March 2002
I hear a heart-beat type sound coming from the engine, 'Oh no, here we go again' I mutter. After calling the AA, it turns out that the water bottle is empty. Talk about embarrassment...
Cost: £0

12th March 2002
Some little tossers down my road kicked my wing-mirror and, although, not smashing it, have dislodged the glass and I cannot for the life of me get it back in.

28th March 2002
Whilst driving uphill and behind a skip-lorry, I suddenly hear a repetitive flopping sound. 'Oh bugger' I say to myself and pull over to discover an impressively large nail lodged in the tread of my rear drivers side tyre. Great. Fortunately my cousin was only down the road and he helped me change it. He was also able to get the tyre repaired and fitted with a plug, paid for by work. Thanks SJ.
Cost: £0

29th March 2002
I spent two and a half hours cleaning my car inside and out this morning, changing the oil, water and washer-fluid and pumping up the tyres, and I intended to go into Guildford to get a few bits and pieces. I stopped to pick up Simon and Shaun H because they too fancied the trip and I, regrettably, asked Simon H if he could refix my wing-mirror glass. The lesson I learnt here is never go to the Simon H motor vehicle repairs garage. End result - broken wing mirror glass. Replacement needed.
Cost: £6


15th April 2002
Having done 40,000 miles, the car is now due for a service. So, after taking it to the garage and expecting a standard service cost, I eventually find out that the car, in fact, needs two new tyres, rear brake pads, an exhaust silencer, a something-or-other here, a something-or-other there and a couple of oojamaflips for the thingamajig.
Cost: £412.13


Conclusion
So there we have it. The repair history of my lovely car. Despite all the problems I may have had, I do like my car a lot because it is small, compact and bubbly, yet spacious, fuel-efficient and fun. However, I am being given a company car in September when I join Renault UK, so I'm afraid to say that P75 BPM may very well be sold. So be warned, if you're looking to buy a car, buy someone else's....


TOTAL REPAIR COST FOR P75 BPM:


£5,515.97


(excludes tax, insurance, MOT, servicing and fuel costs)