4 September, 2010
Jonola14 Productions

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Land Of Ming

The date was about 200 B.C. In the depths of an island just off the coasts of Western Europe lay Birdland, a large country ruled by Emperor Ming and his beautiful wife Melinda. Happily married for two prosperous years, the royal couple had plans to raise a large family, then settle down and enjoy their kingdom.

Emperor Ming was a very busy man, frequently having to travel and stay long periods overseas for diplomatic matters, leaving his wife and his good friend Trotsky in charge. A sensitive, thoughtful fellow, Emperor Ming would only return once the important matters abroad had been resolved and all parties were content.

However, after about eighteen months of their marriage, Melinda Ming grew tired of waiting for her love to return home from overseas. She began to feel lonely, even abandoned, and her love for her husband began to falter. She craved somebody to spoil her, someone who could provide excitement and not ever leave her, and is was then that her irrepressible desire for attention got the better of her. She began having a relationship with Trotsky behind the Emperor's back.

The affair continued for six months. Trotsky, who had always seemed overly keen on Melinda, would use his role as deputy Emperor as camouflage for the relationship with the Emperor's wife, claiming that important domestic matters necessitated long stays in the royal palaces.

Then the day came when Melinda decided to tell the Emperor that she wanted a divorce. She didn't want him to know about the affair between her and Trotsky because she simply wasn't brave enough. So Melinda set up a quiet evening with just her and her husband.

After a meal of vegetable lasagne and Earl Grey (no milk, no sugar), Melinda plucked up the courage to tell the Emperor, saying that she still wanted to be 'friends' with him and not to lose contact. The Emperor was stunned, unable to comprehend what she was telling him. His beautiful wife wanted to leave him because she couldn't stand the endless weeks and months waiting for him to return from abroad.

He took it remarkably well initially and even looked forward to the future, remembering the good times with his wife and hoping to better them in the forthcoming years. Melinda left the royal palace and the Emperor decided to take some time off work.

About three weeks later, the Emperor decided to make a surprise visit to the opening of his new royal theatre in Furcrack. He went unnoticed as he was dressed in casual clothes and wore a hat. He took a seat in the centre circle of the theatre and sat down to watch the show. It wasn't a very good or interesting performance, and the Emperor grew restless, choosing instead to look around him. He noticed the intricate scenery of the set, the circular patterns on the roof tiles, and the cleanliness of the brass numbers on the seat-backs.

Suddenly the Emperor sat bolt upright in his seat, a dark red colouring beginning to emerge on his face, anger swelling up inside him, forcing the thick blue vein in his forehead to pulsate erratically. He had seen Trotsky with a beautiful woman, kissing and cuddling in the stalls to his left. A woman that he thought would never betray him, never let him down or abuse his trust. His wife.

It all became clear to him. All the excuses, the weak cover-ups and the lies. He told himself how stupid he had been not to suspect something earlier, and he searched around in his head for an answer, but to no avail. He stood up, and let out an almighty growl of sheer anger and disgust. The performance stopped and everybody stared at him, at that moment realizing who he was. He raised his left arm and pointed accusingly at the stalls where Trotsky and Melinda sat. He noted the looks of fear and shame on their faces and then turned around and walked out.

The Emperor was livid. He had been betrayed by a trusted friend and his own wife. Melinda and Trotsky were banished to a remote province called Materiala on the fringes of Birdland, forbidden to return to his land ever again, but free to rule this poor province however they pleased.

The Emperor became a different person, totally untrusting in all women and feeling he could never enter a relationship with a woman again. He decided to banish all the good-looking women to Materiala so he could not be hurt in such a way ever again, but he left all the other men, women and children at home, knowing full well that he could never be tempted by an ugly. He also renamed his kingdom. No longer was it to be called Birdland, it was to be known as the Land of Ming, and all the inhabitants known as Mingers.

Melinda and Trotsky began a strict regime, bitter that they had been banished to such a poor land, and intent on revenge against the Emperor. Each and every one of the good-looking women was trained in what became known in Materiala, as Materialism. This entailed a basic reprogramming of the woman's mind: from one of rationality, to one of rash, irrational materialism. The good-looking women of Materiala were taught not to look at how a man IS, but at what a man HAS and men were graded on what they possessed, not how they behaved as a person. No matter what the poor, honest, humble man could do, it was always the rich, arrogant man that the materialistic women went for, regardless of how they themselves were treated.

However, news of the forceful regime reached the outskirts of Materiala before Melinda and Trotsky could create a cover story. A small group of rebels amassed and hid themselves from the evils of materialism, choosing instead to lead lives of sincerity, integrity and honour in the rocky mountains. These good-looking women, all former inhabitants of Birdland refused to succumb to the terrors of the new regime, training themselves in anti-brainwashing techniques, naturalness and authenticity.

The rebel group was small in number, too small for Trotsky and Melinda to launch an oppressive attack against them. It was thought that the rebels would simply fade away, just vanish from Materiala without causing any problems.

The situation carried on for years. In Materiala, Trotsky and Melinda continued their brutal reprogramming regime on their peoples, and ignored the minority of rebels concealing themselves in the mountains. In the Land of Ming, Emperor Ming enjoyed his reign. Not once had he been tempted by a Minger, nor had he regretted his decision to banish all the good-looking women to Materiala. He decided that he would adopt a son to take over from him and continue with his segregating schemes, should he pass away. After a national search, Emperor Ming selected his heir - a young boy by the name of Eng. It was an unusual choice, Eng was a quiet boy who liked the simple things in life, including afternoon tea, fish and chips, and the game of cricket.

After 25 years, Trotsky and Melinda planned an attack on the Land of Ming. They were still bitter about being banished to Materiala and wanted Emperor Ming to come to justice. They wanted revenge. They felt they had retrained their female forces to an admirable level, one which could not be matched by the male forces of the Land of Ming.

On October 29th, 169 B.C. Trotsky gave the order to advance, and advance they did, breaking through the weakly guarded borders and heading for the royal palaces of the Land of Ming.

Emperor Ming quickly gathered forces of his own, recruiting men, women and children to protect his kingdom. And he wanted Trotsky and Melinda, dead or alive.

The battle raged for two days, the materialistic women fought frantically against the Mingers and there were heavy casualties on both sides. The rebels from the mountains formed an alliance with the Mingers to fight off the Materialists, a partnership that was to prove priceless.

The flaw in Trotsky and Melinda's plan was that they had overlooked the physical capabilities of the Minger men and women. It was well known throughout the land that Mingers have supernatural strengths. Strengths that the Materialists simply could not match. They began to fade out and were eventually forced to surrender to Emperor Ming's forces.

Trotsky and Melinda were tried for treason and sentenced to death by stoning. Unfortunately, this was to be the last act sanctioned by Emperor Ming. The great Emperor died of exhaustion three days after the deaths of Trotsky and Melinda, leaving his son Eng as the sole heir of his kingdom.

Eng embarked on a process of re-unification. He decided that there should be no more segregation between the peoples of the neighbouring lands, no more conflict and no more discontent. The Land of Ming, Materiala and the rebels would all live together, blended into the same society, and free of all influences. The reunified land was given a new name, one which reflected an image of unity and harmony. It was known as England.

Today, in the year 2001, traces of the historical events in the Land of Ming can be found in the personality traits of each individual living in the land, still known to all as England. Emperor Eng introduced the customary afternoon tea, named fish and chips as the national delicacy, and instructed that all inhabitants of England should follow the game of cricket. But he could not eradicate the excessive training installed into the very composition of the human brain by the Mingers, the Materialists, and the rebels, despite his best efforts to dull it.

It is clear when you look around contemporary society, that everybody is a descendant of these past occurences. Mingers are found absolutely everywhere, and the majority of the good-looking women are materialistic. For the modern man, finding a woman that is neither a Minger nor Materialistic is very hard indeed. It is only descendants of the rebel forces of Materiala that suit the honest, genuine male of today.

The difficulty is finding them.