Jonola14

10 May, 2008

Jonola14 Productions

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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy"

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February 18, 2008

BLUE MONDAY

A few weeks ago it was Blue Monday. For those of you that don't know what Blue Monday is, it is officially the unhappiest day of the year where unpaid Christmas bills, nasty weather and failed New Year's resolutions combine to make it the gloomiest day in the calendar.

I'm going to tell you about my Blue Monday.

It had been a really busy day at work. The things that didn't quite get finished on the preceding Friday came back to haunt me on the Monday and I had been busier than a very busy busy thing. And other things needed to be done urgently, the phone kept ringing, the endless emails, the constant changes... the only thing keeping me going was the 5-a-side match I had planned for the evening.

When that evening came, Blue Monday's wrath came with it. I was in the car, driving to the match down the A3 and, as usual, knowing the amount of speed cameras on that stretch of road, I was making sure that I was driving sensibly and within the speed limit. It was a 40 zone and I was trundling along in the slow lane at around 36mph. As I passed the camera, there was suddenly a flash of light, then another and I knew I had been snapped. "WHAT?" I exclaimed to myself, even going so far as to do the shoulder shrug of innocence. The camera zapped me for doing 36mph in a 40 zone, I was not impressed and immediately began writing my complaint letter in my head. They would not get away with that!

I made sure I was doing well below the speed limit for the other cameras and eventually made it to the sports centre. Within thirty seconds of the game starting, I'd caught an elbow on the lip and had a swollen and bloody mouth, I was not having much fun.

When I got back home, I showered and put on my dressing gown as it was getting late. I hadn't eaten so I put some pasta on the gas hob and began to stir it. My mind wandered to the speed camera incident, I was so angry. Would I get fined? Does anyone check the photos? Are they all digital now or do some cameras still use film? Could I challenge it? There was a funny smell and my mind came back to what I was doing. I looked down.

My dressing gown sleeve was on fire. It had dangled down onto the gas hob as I stirred the contents of the saucepan and consequently caught fire. "SHIT!" I said, trying to retract my arm from the sleeve at the same time as shoving it into the sink and sticking the tap on with my other hand.

Once I'd made sure there was no damage, I went back to the pasta that had now boiled, it was now ready for straining. So I grabbed the colander and poured the pasta in, splashing boiling hot water all over my already singed hand and yelling obscenities at a high volume.