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August 2, 2006

VEGETARIAN CHEESE

I usually do my weekly food shopping on a Sunday afternoon at my local Sainsbury's. Sunday afternoon is not the best time because the shelves are not fully stocked and the store closes early, but at least there is no mad rush by hundreds of kid-laden mothers and thank God theres no fighting over the last broccoli like there can be on a Saturday.

Unfortunately, last Sunday I was out house-hunting in south London so I didn't get to do my usual supermarket sweep and on the way home from work tonight, I decided to stock up on a few little bits like milk and vegetables to keep my going until the weekend. But Sainsbury's is not on the way home from work, so I stopped instead at the Tesco a mile or two further down the road.

If you don't mind a thirty second walk to the entrance, parking is not a problem, but human laziness and stupidity dictates that idiots in 4x4s queue up for minutes on end trying to get a spot as close to the door as possible. So I parked in the furthest bay whilst the fat chavs in their X5s waited impatiently for the tracksuit-bearing, middle-aged, gargantuan, rotund sloth of a woman by the entrance to squeeze her seventeen arses into her Escort.

I ambled in but there were no baskets available, so I grabbed one from the nearest cashier's desk and wandered over to the veg section where I wanted to get my hands on a broccoli. After much searching, it became evident that there was no broccoli left, so I grabbed a pack of runner beans and headed for the dairy section where I picked up a two-pint carton of milk. I had nothing scheduled for dinner tonight so I headed down the meat aisle and stood deliberating over purchasing a small fillet steak for three pounds forty eight pence or opting for a bigger and cheaper rump steak which wouldn't taste as succulent.

As I weighed up the options, a man of six foot four who clearly wasn't shy of a pie or two waddled up the aisle just behind me with two friends. His voice was rather booming and it grabbed my attention, particularly as there was a strong hint of idiocy in the voice and as he passed by, he said to his friends:

"so if you're both vegetarians, does that mean you don't eat cheese, because cheese comes from cows and you don't eat cows?"

Sniggering into my rump steak packet, I avoided the temptation to point out to this moron that people don't kill cows for their cheese, only for one of his friends to say it for me, whilst the other friend pointed out that she wasn't vegetarian.

I'll be going back to Sainsbury's on Sunday.....

Posted by jonola14 at August 2, 2006 7:48 PM

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Posted by: jon at August 14, 2006 3:08 PM