Jonola14

And so the Cook family event of the year took place this weekend - yes, readers, the famed Easter Egg Hunt.

It was touch and go for a while as to whether or not the Hunt would actually occur, given that multi-bottomed Ben and 2004 winner Carole had jetted off to another continent for a relaxing break. Despite Ben's pleas for a Hunt cancellation, the organisers insisted it go ahead since his non-participation was self-inflicted. And go ahead it did.

Once again I was nursing a hangover thanks to an Open Mic night the previous evening but despite that, when we went under starter's orders, the adrenaline was pumping and the determination to take advantage of Ben's absence was there for all to see. We'd set off at a frantic pace before the countdown had a chance to finish and all competitors headed for different areas of the garden. Fortunately for me, I headed straight to the tree where my first Egg was hidden and sprinted back to the front porch with my prize. It was a fantastic early lead, leaving Sophie, Jane and last year's victor Olivia struggling from the start. Sophie shrieked and waddled her way back towards the house as I sprinted across to the old wendy house for a quick butcher's in one of the organiser's favourite hiding places. Result! There, underneath an old tarpauline was the second of my three Eggs, the white sticky label affixed to the top of the box confirming that I was taking a very strong position in the Hunt with only one Egg to find and the other competitors lagging some way back.

I dashed back to the front porch, deposited my second Egg and headed for the undergrowth in the front garden. The organiser trained the camcorder on the hedgerow as I dived in, yelped with glee and sprinted back to the porch with my third find in three locations to claim victory in what was a momentous victory in an unbeatable record time. Since the rest of the field were very slow in searching out their prizes, there was ample time for excessive goading, unnecessary boasting and needless showing-off which I carried out with appropriate aplomb before accepting the Whitehall Easter Egg Hunt Trophy from the Queen (grandmother) once the other competitors had finally been successful (although they did require assistance) and making a short speech.

The only retort they had was to load the 1992 episode of the Easter Egg Hunt into the video recorder after the race and show footage of me aged 13 dancing around the garden singing Right Said Fred's 'I'm Too Sexy' in a prepubescent squeaky voice and excitably throwing my arms and legs in all directions. "Such a tosser" Sophie exclaimed and did her impression of my high-pitched squeal, "his voice hadn't even broken" she smirked as she took delight in laughing at me. I mused for a second then shut her up with a winning retort in the form of "yeah, well at least I didn't need surgery on it".

(Readers that do not know me personally will be flummoxed by this final remark - you will need to have been kept abreast of a previous situation in order to understand the significance)

And there was still enough time to send an intercontinental text message to Ben announcing my victory and informing him that the Trophy will be engraved with the 2006 result by the time he gets back from holiday.

SO, the winner of the Easter Egg Hunt 2006 was your esteemed and not very honourable author, ME.

You certainly made a tit of yourself back in those days...

I neither shrieked or waddled anywhere thank you very much!
And actually i must have been about 1 minute behind you in finding my eggs!!
"Mr J Cook - how would you respond to the allegations that you are in fact a smelly pooper?"

April 17, 2006

EASTER EGG HUNT 2006