Jonola14

I thought the stag-do was a bit of a session (here are the photos) but nothing, NOTHING compares to the liver-crunching alcohol-fest that still hinders most of my bodily functions almost 48 hours later.

Two years ago, Matthew 'the Chimp' Ginn took the plunge and asked long-time girlfriend Sarah to marry him. Saturday was their wedding day and a trip to our old university town of Cardiff beckoned.

"Ah, the memories" Payno muttered, as we cruised into the Welsh capital, gazing at the old university buildings, the dirty streets where we used to kick a ball around and, of course, the student's union. But we were not there to take advantage of cheap beer, or to relive debauched evenings in the Union's adjoining 'Taf' bar, we were there to celebrate the marriage of one of our best friends, and then we were going to create enough debauchery to last us a lifetime.

Fearing we might be late for the start of the ceremony, Pete, Gav, Rachel, Payno and I ditched the idea of a cheesy chip butty in the Woodville and ambled down to City Hall for the 2pm start. Looking around the beautifully-decorated hall, we could see lots of familiar faces and those university days soon came flooding back. There was no organ in City Hall so thankfully Payno couldn't test out his rusty singing skills and the bride and groom were soon husband and wife and we were back outside to the Cardiff sun.

After confetti, photographs and a lungful of exhaust from the wedding chariot, we bundled back into the cars and headed for the reception - to be held at the prestigious Celtic Manor hotel in Newport. For speed's sake, Steve 'Mad Murray the Monk' and wife Kate whom Matt and I had met when we lived in France hitched a ride with us which turned out to be no time saver at all.

After a 14 mile detour down the road to Abergavenny thanks to the incorrect choice of route in search of our hotels, we parked up and made for the Celtic Manor - a huge hotel on a hill overlooking South Wales and with the sun beating down on us all, it was nothing less than spectacular. There were photographs to be taken, parents to be met and lots of catching up to do so the late afternoon hours soon flew by and the £3.50 bottles of Budweiser soon sank.

We were then successfully ushered down three escalators to the reception room where the speeches and the wedding breakfast were to be held. After some excellent off-the-cuff speeches, a couple of glasses of champagne (or four if you are Payno) and an abundance of amusing stories about Matt, the bottles of wine were opened and God help us.

After a bottle of wine each and another Bud or two, Pete, in true student style, produced a bottle of vodka from his jacket pocket. "Six Cokes please" Payno requested from the waiter, who wasn't quite convinced about my "we need to rehydrate a bit" theory. Nevertheless, the Cokes arrived (at a cost of £10) and the vodka-pouring began, getting less and less subtle, to the stage where there was no thought of hiding it, as time wore on. This is where things begin to get a little bit hazy. Well, a lot hazy.

Perhaps fellow invitees to the Ginn wedding can help me out here - all I remember is:

1) Drinking the bar out of Jack Daniels, then ordering something else "of equivalent strength" but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was. Southern Comfort perhaps?

2) Dancing like a buffoon and standing on Pippa's toe, destroying an entire quarter of it

4) Limbo dancing under a belt, with Payno berating the guy for "not keeping it still"

7) Staggering half a mile down that same bloody road to Abergavenny before realising it was the wrong road.

I guess I was quite proud of that achievement - the hotel was full and I was the last back. Four hours later, when I woke up, I was still p*ssed. Just that giggly, can't stand up p*ssed. After falling over several times and phoning everyone to tell them about it, I eventually staggered out into the real world and tried to hunt down Payno who was last seen scrolling through his phone book around 4am.

After almost breaking down his hotel room door in an attempt to wake him, I revived Payno at midday, we met Nick and Pippa at McDonald's (where Nick had THREE quarter-pounders and Pippa showed us the extent of her toe injury) and we idled up to the Celtic Manor to say goodbye, but to also try to piece together the evening.

Fortunately, everyone was in the same boat and Payno and I left the Celtic Manor in true admiration of a great event, although we still don't know where approximately four hours of that evening went...

I am sure I joined Payno in 4 glasses of Champagne...I think the Irish waiter was impressed by our 6 coke order...the meal was some kind of meat...with some sort of veg...I got lost trying to find the hotel bar...I left late...some girl took me home...about £1,228,259 was spent on the wedding...and that is all I remember of the evening!!!!!!!

Extraordinary. Are you sure the 'equivalents' ordered at the bar were drinks!?

August 22, 2005

MR AND MRS GINN