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August 19, 2005

BIG BROTHER IS ABUSING YOU

"...lettuce and some jalapeno peppers please" I replied to the assistant in Subway on Upper Street, Islington at about 8.15 last night. I had sloped away from my reviewing duties at the Glasswerk gig Upstairs @ The Garage to feed my protesting belly and decided that a Subway was a moderately more healthy option than the cholesterol-inducing, factory processed junk on offer at the nearby McDonald's.

Not being a very large Subway, there were only two tables at which to sit, both were right next to the door and facing out into the street. I sat there watching the world go by, I was on my own so it was a nice ten-minute break from the hectic lifestyle that seems to have engulfed me over the past year.

The screeching of brakes soon polluted my relaxing mind and I looked up to see three young chavs (white trainers, two in baseball caps, the other looking like he should have a six-inch bolt sticking out of his temple) come to a halt on their pushbikes outside the shop. Being used to chavs (I lived in Watford for two years - hence the life-like appearance at this party), it didn't surprise me to see that they had blocked the doorway to Subway with their bikes. Two of them were ordering sandwiches ("le'uce, toma'oes an' saaaf west sauce innit") while the other stayed outside on his mobile phone.

All the while, I was watching them in the reflection of the window, listening to their needless swearing and their appalling regard for other people. A pleasant-looking couple tried to come in the door, just squeezing themselves between two of the bikes and stood patiently in the queue while the chavs continued their loud, obnoxious behaviour. Within ninety seconds, the girlfriend was leading her other half back through the door as she clearly could not stand being subjected to such a total lack of respect for other people.

At this point, a familiar-looking man walked past the window. I knew the face but could not picture it - where the hell had I seen him before? Was he part of the music scene that I have become immersed in? Maybe I'd met him through work? Not being able to put my finger on it, I had a glance at the company he was keeping to see if I recognised any of them. And I did. Walking next to him was a woman that did seem very familiar, but again I couldn't quite work out where I had seen that face.

The chav on the mobile phone then answered the question for me. "Hey!" he called to his oikish mates still loitering at the sandwich bar, "it's Marco an' Nadia from Big Bruvva jus' walked past!!". The other two dashed to the doorway, almost falling over their own pushbikes, shreds of lettuce falling to the floor in their wake.

"Marco!" the most dopey-looking chav yelled after them but by now they were out of sight so I had to train my ears to pick up the responses, "oooh, herro" Marco squealed in his effeminate tone, the picture of a floppy hand and a camp tilt of the head all too easy to imagine.

"Hey Nadia ya geezer bird!" another chav shouted, followed by something I couldn't quite make out. "GEEZER BIRD" they all shouted in unison as the Big Brother winner got further and further away. I could just hear an irate, abusive scream from Nadia in response, in true Nadia style, probably telling them to "f*ck off" but this just amused the chavs and they ambled back inside, punching each other's fists and saying "wickit".

Thirty seconds later, the chavs were gone and I had finished my sandwich, so I got up and went back to the gig.

Posted by jonola14 at August 19, 2005 8:28 AM

Posted by: Wibbler at August 19, 2005 12:50 PM