Jonola14

My hairline is slowly receding. It's been happening for a while now and I have grown to accept that one day I will be given a 'bald men are sexier' t-shirt by a relative. Or that other one 'it's not a bald patch, it's a solar panel for a sex machine'. But there comes a time in the lives of many men when they become resigned to losing their hair - the dreaded 'M' shape starts to appear and the hairdresser gives you a discount when you visit, it's a fact of life - a lot of men go bald.

Some try to cover it up by growing the hair on one side of their head really long and styling it in the 'comb-over' effect, others choose to employ 'hair restoration' products or wigs, others opt for 'the shave' to camouflage their predicament, whilst the rest grow facial hair to divert attention away from their hairless bonces. Luckily for me, I am not at the stage where I need to resort to any of these reactionary measures, yes I've got the M shape appearing and have been quietly advised to use 'the shave' option, but I want to enjoy my hair whilst I have it.

Until, that is, I found out from various colleagues the other day that my head provides them with endless amusement.

It all centres around spicy food. I like spicy food and where there is the option in any restaurant, I will always go for the spice over the plain. Chilli mash, umpteen varieties of curry, hot pepper sauce, jalapeno peppers - I like them all, but it would appear that spicy food does not really like me. You see, because it's so hot it makes me sweat. Not under the arms or down the chest, but on my head - and my retreating hairline accentuates this sweaty reaction because there is less and less hair there to disguise it.

So my colleagues have been egging me on to eat spicy food because they know that at some point, beads of sweat will appear on my brow and begin to trickle towards my eyes which they find intensely amusing. Apparently this has been going on for months.

Rather more frustrating than the 'M'ing is the general thinning aloft. It is when one starts joking, "and short on what's left on top" to the barber that one begins to think the purchase of a pair of clippers may be an investment rather than a source of drunken amusement involving eyebrows. With regret hair follicle growth is organic and not mechanical - a good bash just won't work. Who will get the bic out first...!?

Look baldy... get to work and quit moaning about your slaphead. BTW. Fancy some Chilli Nachos?

Longer than months mate. I'd noticed that years ago. Sorry.......

July 6, 2005

HOT SPICE