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December 6, 2003

GYM CHANGING ROOMS

And now seems like a good time to tell you about my experiences in the men's changing room at the gym. Not in the sordid, homosexual sense that you've probably already concocted in your pervy little minds, no, something different.

I'd been to the sauna and was in the shower. It was quite late and there were very few people around so any strange noises were easily trackable.

It was then that I heard the incredibly heavy-breathing man. Not just out of breath, this guy was Darth Vader does the London Marathon. I stepped out the shower and he was changing.

'shwwwwww'

'huuuuuuh'

'shwwwwww'

'huuuuuuh'

He wasn't panting, though, and he wasn't particularly fat. He just couldn't breathe without sucking in all the air from the 18 cubic feet surrounding him. Even when he was putting his socks on, he breathed so hard it nearly knocked me off my feet.

Anyway, he soon left and I was grateful for my fair share of the changing room oxygen.

But then I heard another noise. I was the only person in the changing room now and tiptoed around to the mirrors and loos section. One of the doors was closed.

'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMRRRR'

'MMMMMMMMRRRR'

I had visions of some guy hovering above the loo trying to offload his digestive by-product, arms apart, pushing against the cubicle walls for support while he strained and wished his bowels would permit movement.

'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM'

I decided that it would probably be a good time to leave at that moment, as I would not have wanted the sound of gushing faeces to haunt me for the rest of my days.

'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMRRRRRRRRR'

Posted by jonola14 at December 6, 2003 9:02 AM

Posted by: Bill Posters at December 7, 2003 1:01 AM