Jonola14

B-LIME-Y, THAT’S A LOT OF CRAP

Usually when I clean my car, something goes wrong with it soon afterwards. The first time, the head gasket blew two days later and the second time the thermostat jammed that very afternoon, both leading to journeys in a recovery vehicle. I didn’t want to clean it again.

I’d just arrived home and was walking around the car, checking that the tyre pressure seemed to have been maintained, having pumped them up again that morning. I took a step back, everything looked fine, but I didn’t expect what happened next.

Suddenly, the car became covered in white and brown spots, some large, some small. Many of them were more splats than spots and they weren’t concentrated in one area like the bonnet, they were all over the damned car, including the difficult-to-clean soft top and between the engine air-grill that covers the engine. “What the f..” I exclaimed, my voice trailing off as it dawned that it can’t have been one bird that dropped all that crap on my car, it must have been a whole flock.

I checked my clothes. They say that being crapped on by a bird flying overhead is good luck. Personally I would consider it extremely bad luck, but my check proved clean. The birds had missed, I thanked my lucky stars for that one step backwards.

So I grabbed a cloth and wiped away all the bird lime from my car. It had really got everywhere and it wasn’t a pleasant job. However, I did take great joy in informing my sister that there was a whole load of bird lime on her car too and that she should really clean it off.