Jonola14

THIS WEBSITE IS FULL OF CRAP

Many, many years ago, probably fifteen years ago, I was innocently minding my own business in my neat, tidy, clean, teenage boy’s bedroom when my brother came bouncing in, zipping up his fly.

“You HAVE to come and look at this” he said with a massive, devilish grin spreading from ear to ear. “You HAVE to come” he reiterated and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me out of my room and onto the landing.

“What is it? What’s going on?” I innocently questioned to my elder brother, thinking that maybe my stepfather was wandering around the garden in the nude looking for his specs, or perhaps mother was about to fall for the ‘let’s-stack-the-tupperware-right-up-against-the-cupboard-door’ trick yet again (it worked EVERY time). But no, this was something else, something far more evil and something that has haunted me to this very day. Just writing about it gives me the shivers and I still have nightmares about what I was subjected to that day.

“It’s in there” Ben said, pointing towards the bathroom, the string of the light switch still swaying in his wake. “Go and have a look.”

“What is it?” I asked once more, still unsure and still wary of the broad smile on Ben’s face. He was obviously very pleased with himself.

Tentatively I approached the bathroom and saw nothing out of the ordinary. But the toilet seat was down. And Ben’s male. So the toilet seat should have been UP and that meant ….. urgh!

There, staring at me from its semi-submerged state was the largest turd I have EVER seen. It was the size of a bumper tube of smarties, long, straight and pointing in the air.

Ben cracked up laughing and pulled the door shut so I couldn’t get out the bathroom. It was me and the monster turd, together, alone in the bathroom. I was scarred for life.

If my descriptive writing has not captured your imagination, here’s a site that might give you an idea of what it was like that day…