Jonola14

CAR BOOT BANTER

With the house move now a mere fortnight away, I took the golden opportunity to offload some unwanted items at a car boot sale held at the school at the end of our driveway this afternoon.

Having turned up well after a lot of other exhibitioners, I managed to get the last remaining pitch which just so happened to be the best one - right at the entrance where people would see my wares as they came in and again when they left.

Business was slow - a few people bought videos and CDs from me, whilst Alex’s bartender set attracted a bit of interest but what I really wanted to get rid of was my half set of golf clubs and Alex’s pair of skis.

An elderly woman approached, her grey hair flapping in the slight wind as she pushed her little trolley bag (you know those portable suitcase thingies that a lot of old people have). She picked up Sliver (Sharon Stone), switched it to its reverse side and began to read the back. Bored with people not buying things, I decided to have a bit of fun. “Are you 18?” I asked, at which point she raised an eyebrow and started mumbling about whether or not the merchandise she had picked up was porn or not. Being the salesman that I am, she walked away with a handful of videos and a few less pound coins…

Then it began to hail. Blue sky with broken cloud and it starts to hail. Only in Britain. Why can’t the sun ruddy well come out and stay out?

A podgy almost-pensioner turned up at my table on her own and browsed through some of the CDs. “Going skiing any time soon?” I asked, gazing at her rotund figure. She looked at me with a clear ‘are you taking the piss’ glare in her eyes. “Taking up golf?” I added and gestured towards the clubs leaning against my table. She just stared vacantly at me, half in disbelief, half amused. “No?” I answered for her and with that she walked off.

There was still time for a local chav to buy the scariest looking cuddly toy I have ever seen for 50p (good business - I won that for losing at a fairground game at Chessington) and for the exhibitioner at the end of the line to pack an incredible amount of stuff into the back of his tardis-like Reliant Robin.