Jonola14

I’M GLAD SHE’S NOT DEAD

You may remember that I suspected our neighbour was dead. Thankfully this is not the case and, after the conversation I have just had with her, I am very glad.

I had just woken from a two hour snooze when I heard voices. The pest control man had arrived and had knocked her up, so to speak, to find out where the wasps nest was.

After the guy had dealt with the wasps, the neighbour and I had a long conversation on a variety of subjects. We discussed her moving out date and the landlord’s plans for the property. She asked why I was not at work and I explained that I had been signed off for a week because of a chest infection, this led nicely onto the subject of cars and how she was still unconvinced about “the large arse” on my car.

The conversation evolved to road rage and the problems with the local Dome Roundabout and all the drivers who cheat the queues by using the wrong lane and pushing in. I told her that I’d once been forced off the road there and I had been less than impressed with the offending Mercedes driver, to which her response was “well, I like to wind down the window and give them hand gestures. They never expect an old granny to know such rude things. I also like overtaking young hooligans and seeing the look on their face when they realise they’ve just been overtaken by an old woman.”

We both laughed and she went on to tell me about how driving used to be in the olden days and the time she had offered a policeman a dozen eggs if he didn’t book her for speeding.

Eventually the half-hour conversation drew to a close. I told her I was going to get some lunch and then read for the rest of the afternoon, to which she replied:

“right, well I hope you get well soon. Let me know if you want a rub down with a Sporting Life.”

As I closed the front door behind me, I almost exploded with laughter…