Jonola14

GOLF DAY

Today I played golf at the Forest of Arden golf club in Warwickshire. Also attending the golf day were half a dozen PGA pro players and England rugby’s Lewis Moody who I chatted to briefly before heading to the driving range for a quick warm up.

Now, I haven’t played golf for approximately six years and I don’t deny being one of the worst players in the entire world. This was concreted when, in full view of all the other guests, I struck my first practice drive and clipped the ball straight into my foot.

Nonetheless, my tee-off time approached and I ambled over to the first tee. This was the first hole I had played in six years and was to be on the British Masters 2003 course. Not the best place to restart the golf career, one would imagine, embarrassment could be the only conclusion. However, I scored par and was exceedingly happy with myself, expecting the rest of the day to go equally well.

The rest of my round was utterly awful.

The scene was rather splendid. Hundreds of deer grazed on the pristine fareways, ducks and swans swam majestically on the lakes, birds sung happily in the tall oak trees and frost covered the freshly cut grass, giving it a shiny winter coat. And then there was me hacking away at a golf ball, hastily replacing all the divots before anybody noticed.

Anyway, after drinking a brandy coffee and nearly killing a deer with a golf ball, my round was over and it was time to head back to the clubhouse. Here, during the prize-giving session, I was presented with a rugby ball signed by Martin Johnson, Lewis Moody and somebody else who’s signature I can’t make out. They claimed it was for ‘having the longest drive, potentially’ and ‘perseverance’. In other words ‘thanks for coming. You were crap, but thanks for coming’. I was thrilled though and have positioned the ball in pride of place on top of the cabinet at home. Oh the girls WILL be chuffed…..