From the sublime to the ridiculous

VEL SATIS TROUBLES

December 18th, 2002 Posted in Uncategorized

The Fleet Director asked me to task his car to a local dealership to have the rear light cluster repaired. ‘No problem’ I thought, grabbed the car and wandered out to his private car park space to take the car away. I sat in the car (an automatic), did all the normal engine firing procedure - key in ignition, foot on brake, gear in park. Nothing happened. Not even a murmur.

After about twenty minutes of repeating the same sequence, I went back to the department to get help. Neither of two managers I found could help me with it - they were as perplexed as me. Eventually the Fleet Director turned up again and informed me that inside the ash tray was a little black box and I had to press the red button on it to override the SECOND immobiliser. ‘How stupid of me’ I muttered and went on my way.

Upon arrival at the dealership, I turned the car off, went and found the guy I was supposed to meet an hour earlier, and we took the car around to where it was to be mended. Eventually I went on my merry way once more and set course for work.

The return journey was smooth and despite my earlier setback, I really enjoyed driving the car. I approached the parking space, stopped the vehicle, put on the electric hand brake, switched the car into ‘park’ once more and pressed the button to switch off the engine BUT THE BASTARD WOULDN’T STOP.

After another twenty minutes of pressing all the buttons I could find - windows were going up and down, windscreen wipers were flapping wildly on dry glass, t the gps system was reset several times and still the damned thing was chugging merrily in the middle of the silent car park.

Eventually I had to go into the department, explain that the car now wouldn’t stop and persuade one of the managers to pop his head round into the boardroom to ask how to turn the engine off. We got the answer, went back out to the car and in the drivers’ footwell, on the left hand side, underneath the panelling, was a drop-down lock containing a key which needed turning to cut off the engine.

I have never in my life had so many problems switching a car engine on and off.

  1. 3 Responses to “VEL SATIS TROUBLES”

  2. By Wibbler on Dec 19, 2002

    SPLENDID. So, not only is the Vel Satis the ugliest car in the world, but it also has the oddest engine sequence I have ever heard. What’s wrong with just turning the key?

  3. By shunta claus on Dec 19, 2002

    Sounds like it would be a great car if you’re in a rush.

  4. By Jac on Dec 19, 2002

    The car is actually very nice to drive. Furthermore, it is key card technology rather than metal keys. Thirdly it is one of only six cars to obtain the 5 star NCAP safety rating (half of these cars are, in fact, Renaults). And lastly, you have obviously never driven an automatic. So there.

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