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SHAUN’S OPEN MIC NIGHT

Another Saturday night, another open mic night, another skinful of alcohol and another Sunday update to keep you all amused.

Due to Sparky’s absence from his own open mic night session, Shaun H was asked to deputise and did a splendid job. The drink flowed and we all sung to our hearts’ content, including a splendid rendition of Janice Toplin’s ‘Oh Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz’ song, Jonola style.

The Cranley Hotel also employs a bar manager who bears a striking resemblance to the former host of The Crystal Maze, Richard O’Brien, and we took it upon ourselves to shamelessly take the mickey out of him all night. After cries of “Will you start the fans please” and endless impressions of token-collecting in the Crystal Dome, he cracked and yelled “GET OUT, YOU’RE REALLY PISSING ME OFF NOW.”

So we eventually left and headed to Simon H’s house. I promptly passed out and awoke this morning with painted nails and a new haircut, courtesy of Simon S. After checking that my eyebrows were still intact, I noticed that we had inadvertently amassed the sprightly combination of two camping signs, a bundle of 100 Sunday Times supplements, a bannister post, a couple of daffodils and a bus stop.