Jonola14

ASICS LONDON 10k RUN

I am running in the ASICS London 10k run and am raising money for Cancer Research UK. Please sponsor me:

BBC ONE - THE NEW FORMULA

Ok, so the title of this post was supposed to be something really clever; something that joined BBC One with Formula One, yet remained snappy and enticing.  Whether or not I was successful in my quest is your opinion and your opinion alone.

Same goes for the BBC’s coverage of the first Formula One Grand Prix qualifying session of the 2009 season.  The Beeb made a huge fuss over the kudos of winning the coverage contract from ITV and Formula One fans across the UK simultaneously exclaimed “hoorah!  No more sodding car insurance adverts in the middle of a race and no more DAR, da DAAAAAAAAAAR intro jingle to tell us the bloody adverts are coming”, or words to that effect.

So with all the excitement in the sports press about Honda pulling out of Formula One for financial reasons, British driver Jenson Button potentially not having a drive and being forced from the top tier of racing, Rubens Barrichello possibly having to retire, the ensuing FIA talks about budget restrictions and further technical limitations and Ross Brawn saving the day (and those two drivers’ careers) by setting up new team Brawn GP, I was very interested in this morning’s qualifying session, and the BBC’s coverage thereof.

Even in my sleep I was excited.  I joked on Facebook about getting up early to watch it, but having had a few beers on Thursday night, run 6k first thing Friday morning and a long day at work, I thought I would be too tired and didn’t set my alarm.

My body, though, had other ideas.  At quarter to five this morning, my mind clicked into gear (awful pun, apologies) and send a burst of adrenaline through my sleeping body.  Fully awake, I stumbled into the sitting room with a pint of squash and a banana for energy and switched on the television.

Presenting the show was a young guy who I’m sure used to present a music show on E4 or something, I don’t know his name.  David Coulthard (whose birthday it was yesterday) beamed away alongside him, having retired from the sport last season and the third of the trio was Eddie Jordan (whose birthday it is on Monday), sporting a grey flecked beard.  On the commentary side, I was very pleased to see that Martin Brundle has made the move from ITV over to BBC as his technical knowledge and reading of the race is, for me, one of the major reasons that I follow (or am able to follow) F1 more closely.  Plus, Jonathan Legard, who used to commentate on F1 but is better known for his football commentary, would have struggled without a more knowledgable counterpart.  This, it appears, is the F1 presenting team for the 2009 season.

And I’m pleased about it.  Young guy showed a lot of enthusiasm, he’d obviously done his homework and was a skilled interviewer, whilst the machoism and battling between Coulthard and Jordan who were locking horns over who could answer the question first, and better, and who was right, was very entertaining.  Like Brian Moore and Eddie Butler in the rugby.

Never more apparent than the interview with Sir Richard Branson (I went to the same school as him you know…) where Young Guy asked the initial questions, Branson confessed to being ”a lucky bastard” on live TV, and Jordan took over, preventing Coulthard from asking any questions in the allowed time.  This relationship is going to be a tad strained, methinks…

On the track, once the BBC had recovered the sound and the pictures it lost for a minute between qualifying sessions, Brawn GP stole the show with the first two places on the grid.  Barrichello in second and Jenson Button in pole position.  Ferrari were nowhere and McLaren were on “damage limitation“.  Lewis who?

So tomorrow’s race is going to be a good’un.  The qualifying times were all very close, there’s a British driver on pole, the BBC might lose the pictures again, Coulthard and Jordan are going to argue and more famous businessmen might swear on live TV.  I’m certainly looking forward to it and will undoubtedly be up early to watch (provided the clocks going forward doesn’t scramble my brain).

Good luck BBC, may the downforce be with you.

MY VERY LATE TWENTIES

Despite trying to keep it quiet and deflecting attention when asked, time caught up with me last weekend when I reached the grand old age of 30.  “What are you doing for your birthday?” people would ask, to which I didn’t really have a reply, only to think ’sitting in a corner sobbing’ and wishing no-one would remember.  Fat chance.

Shunta, former party-animal turned sensible society-conscious family man, decided that I wasn’t going to get away with turning 30 and not doing anything, so he organised it for me.

The day started with a boys afternoon at Top Golf in Addlestone, Surrey.  I had no idea what Top Golf was and for those of you that share my ignorance, the best way to describe it is ‘going bowling, but golf’.  Everything is computerised, so you register a game, and all the balls you have are logged against your account.  You then drive those balls as if you were on a normal driving range, but every time one of your balls goes near a pin, you get a number of points dependent on the proximity to the pin.

Wibbler, as one would expect, was terrible.  And incredibly camp.  It was as if Dale Winton had put on a couple of stone and gone to the driving range.  He couldn’t even hit the ball, and when he did it was such a bad slice that it hit the driving range roof, bounced around aggressively and frightened the hell out of the other Top Golfers!  Nick played himself onto the day’s leaderboard after Round 1 with an impressive display of well over 100, whilst Wibbler languished (after eventually managing to hit the ball a couple of times) in what should have been the ‘worst player of the day’ league, with a paltry 14 points.

After a couple of beers, though, the tides turned.  The second and final round (of golf, not drinks) was underway and Wibbler, his fortune seemingly reversed, golfed his way to an early lead whilst Nick, Shunta, and Shaun struggled to maintain their early form.  Wibbler was so impressed with himself that he decided to photograph the early scorecard, just to prove at a later date that he had, at one stage, been winning a sporting contest for the first time ever.

Shortly before 4.30pm, I was in the ultra final stages of my twenties (having been born at 4.30pm) and when the moment struck, a rendition of Happy Birthday (dear Jack/Jonathan/Prick) resounded around Top Golf like a pack of howling wolves calling at the moon.

Although they claim that, because it was my birthday, they let me win, the truth of Round 2 is that I found some consistent form and managed to end up with a century and the position of 34th equal on the leaderboard.  I’m not competitive…

We left Top Golf and headed to Shunta’s where Lucy had prepared a lovely chili which was swiftly devoured before we headed off to Cranleigh Arts Centre for a fund-raising gig involving Sparky, the local music man. 

As I wandered into the bar area, grinning faces sat round a table on which were planted two exceptionally large balloons - one a three and one a zero.  And they were pink.  They were then attached to me and followed me around everywhere I went - they even garnered the attention of the bands, the majority of the crowd and the irritation of a woman who was trying to film the gig, but whose view was blocked…!

After an impressive selection of tracks and some jaw-dropping guitar solos, we left to head over the road to the Three Horseshoes for a game of pool and some whisky.  By now, though, we were minus the zero balloon - victim of Sparky wearing it as a rubber ring, misjudging his ample circumference and causing a tear.  Never one to miss the moment, Shunta inhaled the helium and promptly arrested him for criminal damage and anti-social behaviour!

A victory and a defeat later, my evening’s pool was over and the group sat me down and presented me with a considerable amount of vouchers for Anderton’s Music in Guildford, knowing that I’ve wanted a new guitar for ages.  It was totally unexpected and a very touching gesture, the only problem being that Anderton’s (which lauds the fact it’s open 7 days a week) was in fact closed the next day for a stock check!  Still, I’ll be in there soon enough…

A few whisky’s later, we were back at Shunta’s and I passed out on the sofa.  It’s good to know my twenties aren’t that far removed now, as Shaun carried on the tradition of writing on me when passed out.  ’PRICK’, ’I am an old man’ and a (rather poor) swastika were designed on my forehead and hands, making me wake up in the morning feeling just as young as I did when all that first started back in my early twenties.  Thanks for a great birthday guys…

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS 2009 FEBRUARY UPDATE

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS 2009 JANUARY UPDATE

Right, I’m adapting some of the objectives I set myself for 2009:

- update this website at least once a week 50 times
: NOT ON COURSE - current tally 3

- read at least one book a month 12 books
: ON COURSE - current tally 2
[Jeffrey Deaver - The Sleeping Doll: 7/10]
[Jeff Abbott - Fear: 7/10]

- work out and type up at least one guitar tab a month 15 guitar tabs
: ON COURSE - current tally 5
[Status Quo - Rock 'Til You Drop]
[Sam Cooke - Bring It On Home To Me]
[Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire]
[Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody]
[Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah]

- buy a new computer: ON COURSE
- exercise at least twice a week: ON COURSE
- sell a t-shirt: ON COURSE, although no closer than this time last year
- give up BUYING crisps: ON COURSE
- have a holiday abroad: ON COURSE
- go to the Science Museum: ON COURSE, got some time off coming up…
- go to the Natural History Museum: ON COURSE, got some time off coming up…
- go to the Tower of London: ON COURSE, got some time off coming up…
- go to Madame Tussauds: ON COURSE, got some time off coming up…
- go to the Sherlock Holmes Museum: ON COURSE, got some time off coming up…
- organise a university reunion: ON COURSE, got some time off coming up…
- work-related objective: UNKNOWN…

CAR CURSE

TFFFFFFFF-FT-A-FT-A-FT-A-FT-A-FT-A-FT-A-FT

“What the…?”

TFFFFFFFF-FT-A-FT-A-FT-A-FT-A-FT-A-FT-A-FT

“Fuck”

My car wouldn’t start. I was all geared up for football, ready to meet the rest of my team in barely twenty minutes and my poxy car wouldn’t start. Now, I don’t have a positive history with cars - indeed my Ford Ka was disaster after disaster and eight weeks after buying my MGF, the head gasket blew which overheated the engine, then a few weeks later the thermostat blew which overheated the engine. This was the first problem for a while, but a decidedly inconvenient one.

So I called out the recovery service to tend to my car - my limited knowledge of car mechanics stretched as far as diagnosing a flat battery, and within a minute of the guy turning up, the car was running. “Just give it a spin down the A3 for half an hour or so to get the alternator recharging the battery” he said, so I did, my flat battery experiences with the Ka allowing me the luxury of understanding what he was talking about.

Off I went, over the speedbumps (bloody things - no good for low cars), up to the roundabout and onto the A3. There was some traffic on the road but not a great deal and as I steered the MG into the centre lane I began hoping that the alternator was doing its job and that the battery would be suitably recharged for the next time I wanted to go anywhere.

As my mind wandered, the cars in front of me began to brake and what looked like black dust shot over the their shapes like dark air in an aerodynamic experiment. Only it wasn’t dust, and with barely a second to react, there was no way I could avoid it either.

BAM! It was some kind of flimsy plastic or polystyrene, but I went through a cloud of it like a bird through a swarm of bees and heard a repetitive thudding noise that sounded very much like a puncture. “Cock” I said, in a moment that I would later reflect on as being ‘rather James May’. I pulled into the left hand lane and, wondering if the thudding was simply the main plastic/polystyrene cylinder that I glimpsed before I hit the damned thing, gently wiggled the steering wheel from left to right in an attempt to clear the blockage.

Sure enough, the wheel liberated itself from its attacker and seeing as I wasn’t coming off at the next junction, I moved back into the centre lane, a little shaken, but happy there didn’t seem to be any damage.

And then, just as I was reassuring myself that everything was fine, the car in front flicked up a flattened two-litre plastic water bottle that bounced off my bonnet, into my windscreen and over the roof. I lost it. “FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” I yelled, incredulous at such misfortune “don’t I have ANY luck with cars?”

So I drove to Halfords, just in case the battery wasn’t charging I would have experts with the necessary equipment just metres away, and inspected the car. No damage, no punctures and the car restarted without resistance. All good, for now…

GETTING SHIRTY

I’ve just put a wash on. On the label of one of my shirts it says ‘keep out of direct sunlight’.

What am I supposed to do? Only wear it indoors? IT’S A SHIRT.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS 2009

It’s that time of year again, but before I tell you my resolutions for 2009, let’s recap the failure of 2008’s:

2008 Resolutions

- update this website at least once a week - FAILED
- have a holiday abroad - FAILED
- pay off the loan on my car - SUCCEEDED!
- give up crisps - FAILED (lapsed in second half of year)
- sell a t-shirt - FAILED

with that in mind, here’s my list of resolutions and objectives for 2009.  I prefer objectives, they’re more realistic, and more achievable!

2009 Resolutions

- update this website at least once a week
- read at least one book a month
- work out and type up at least one guitar tab a month
- buy a new computer
- exercise at least twice a week
- sell a t-shirt
- give up BUYING crisps
- have a holiday abroad
- go to the Science Museum
- go to the Natural History Museum
- go to the Tower of London
- go to Madame Tussauds
- go to the Sherlock Holmes Museum
- organise a university reunion
- there’s also a work-related objective, for which I can’t post the details on here…

I’ll keep you updated on progress (provided I stick to that first resolution…)

MOVEMBER

I am taking part in Movember. This means I have to grow a moustache for the entire month of November, it currently has handlebars.  Click the badge below to see it… and then SPONSOR ME!

NEGLECT

Dear Website

I’ve been neglecting you. I am so very, very sorry for not tending to your needs, not posting sweet little words on your tender blank pages, stroking the keys like the way I used to. I do have reasons, dear website, but for me to state them would be for me to make excuses. Which they are, but… well, let’s leave it at that.

There’s lots to update you on, but I doubt I’ll be able to remember most of it, so I guess you’ll just have to wait and see what I can conjure. There’s going to be a black president, dear website, and the world has seen its first black Formula One world champion too. No, I kid you not, these are facts. How times change in a small number of months, I’ll keep you updated, dear website. Hopefully.

Yours in embarrassing infrequency
Jonola